Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Gay in heaven


There were these two friends, one who was gay, who died in a horrible car accident. They both went to heaven and were standing at the pearly gates when St. Peter met them.

St. Peter asked the first man for a picture of his wife. After looking at the picture, St. Peter asked him if he had ever cheated on her.

The man replied, "I was unfaithful to my wife one time."

St. Peter decided to give the man a station-wagon for him to drive around heaven.

Now it was the second man's turn.

St. Peter asked him for a picture of his wife and then asked if he had ever cheated on her.

The man replied, "Actually I'm gay, but here's a picture of my lover, and I never cheated on him."

St. Peter was very impressed and decided to give the man a Ferrari to drive around heaven.

After a few months in heaven, the two friends met up with each other. The second man was bragging about his Ferrari when the other turned to him and said, "I wouldn't be bragging if I were you. I just saw your lover on a skateboard." 


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Sunday, September 25, 2011

What's the name of your dick?

This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says, "I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?"

The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."

The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called 'Nike,' for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers,' because 'It really Satisfies."

The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. The customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?"

The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."

The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?"

The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"

A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call your penis?"

The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because 'Quality is Job 1.' " Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"

Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is 'Secret.' Now give me my beer."

The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?"

The customer says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!" 






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Friday, September 23, 2011

Assasin ni Erap

During one of Erap's Campaign rally for his presidency, Erap was delivering his speech when suddenly an assassin tried to come near to him and kill him. Fortunately his bodyguards saw the man and mauled him, but when Erap saw this, being "makamasa" he stopped his bodyguards.

Erap: "Itigil n'yo yan", huwag n'yo s'yang saktan".
Bodyguard: " Boss, gusto kang patayin nito"
Erap: "Halika lumapit ka dito" (calling the assasin), bakit gusto mo akong patayin, at paano mo akong papatayin?"
Assassin: "Pasensya na po kayo, napag-utusan lang po ako".
Erap: "Paano mo naman akong papatayin?" "Sa dami ng tao dito, babarilin mo ba ako o sasaksakin?"
Assassin: "Hindi po, iinjection ko po sana itong syringe sa inyo na punong-puno ng dugo na infected ng AIDS virus".
Erap: "A ganoon ba, o sige iinjection mo sa akin (offering his shoulder), para hindi ka patayin ng nag-utos sa iyo."

Everybody was stunned by Erap's action.

Erap: "O sige humayo ka na, at huwag ka ng gagawa ng masama".

Bodyguard: "Boss, Bakit n'yo ginawa iyon, baka mamatay kayo"

Erap: (whispering to his bodyguard) "Akala n'ya naisahan n'ya ako, hindi niya alam na nakasuot ako ngayon ng CONDOM".




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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Call center ni Erap Joke

call center joke
call joke
A cub reporter was complaining about the President's accessibility to the media. Talking to another veteran mediaman, he said it is harder now to get through the President compared to those days when he was still Mayor, Senator and even Vice President.

The mediaman said, "Pare, hindi totoo yan! In fact they have installed a very sophisticated telephone system over at Malacanang. All you need to dois lift the handset and presto you can talk to the President anytime."

"Really?" said the amused reporter and hurriedly ended the conversation. "O, sigue pare, thank you sa tip ha? Tatawag na kaagad ako sa Presidente!"

And so the reporter got hold of a telephone and dialed the Malacanang number, and this is what he heard:

"GOOD MORNING, YOU HAVE REACHED THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT. IF YOU WISH TO TALK TO HIM IN TAGALOG, PLEASE PRESS 1. IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO HIM IN FILIPINO, PLEASE PRESS 2. IF YOU INSIST ON TALKING TO HIM IN ENGLISH, PLEASE HANG UP AND DON'T CALL AGAIN!"

That didn't dampen the spirit of the persistent reporter. He dialed the number again and followed the instruction by pressing 1 (for Tagalog), and this is what he heard:

MAGANDANG UMAGA PO, ANG INYONG TAWAG AY NAKARATING SA TANGGAPAN NG PANGULONG ERAP. SA KASAWIANG PALAD, SIYA AY KASALUKUYAN PANG NATUTULOG. KUNG MAYROON KAYONG IBANG NAIS MAKAUSAP, SUNDIN ANG MGA SUMUSUNOD: "PINDUTIN ANG ISA PARA SA UNANG ASAWA, PINDUTIN ANG DALAWA PARA SA PANGALAWANG ASAWA, AT PINDUTIN ANG TATLO KUNG MAYROON KAYONG MAIRE-REKOMENDA!"











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Friday, September 16, 2011

Bobo!



Pedro: pare may nakalimutan ako. . .

Juan: anu un?



.
Pedro: bobo kba? nakalimutan ko nga eh.











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Thursday, September 15, 2011

Ugly Princess Joke

Once upon a time,There was an ugly princess. Nabuntis siya 


ng isang poging lalaki.



BOY: Will you marry me?



UGLY PRINCESS: No.



And the boy lived happily ever after.



Ambisyosang palaka! haha




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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Moral lesson Joke

My gf invited me to her house. I found her sister alone in the house, she was 


unbelievably sexy and whispered in my ear "I 've feelings for you, shall we have 


sex ?"

I immediately turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car.

I found my gf standing there , she hugged me & said "You 've won my trust"

...Moral : "Always keep ur condoms in the car or bike" xD

"Hit the Like if you 're totally agree the moral"











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Monday, September 12, 2011

7 inches Penis..

A gorgeous lady was sitin alone n a bar.

Guy: Hi there!

The lady ignored him.

Guy: You caught my lotion as I enter The bar, is it okay to get your number?

Lady:I f u have a BMW, a house and Boracay, millions of peso bank account and 7 inches penis, then you can get number. But I guess you don't have it so the answer is NO!

Guy: I don't have all those, I just have FERRARI, and island in Palawan, billion dollar bank account and excuse me, I WONT CUT MY 2 INCHES PENIS JUST FOR YOUR NUMBER!


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What's the name of your dick?
Blue book gay lingo
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Antaray ni Inday!
Delagates
Ang Pinya

Meeting ni Erap Joke

best pinoy jokes of the day
pinoy short jokes about meeting
Humahangos ang aid ni Erap dahil huli na ito sa meeting.

Aide: Sir, pasensya na kayo. Nag-brownout kasi habang papunta ako rito at na-stuck ako sa  
ESCALATOR nang dalawang oras.



Erap: Ibig mong sabihin, dalawang oras kang nakatayo roon habang naghihintay ka ng koryente?



Aide: ganon na nga po.

Erap: Bobo! Tanga! Estupido! Hunghang! bakit hindi ka man lang umupo???!!!


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Saturday, September 10, 2011

Boy Kilig

Bata JokeGirl: Malamig cguro ang labi mo.



Boy: (kinikilig) hndi ah, Baket?

Girl: Nagyeyelo kc ang ngipin mo!

awwww...asar talo!!  






feeling ka masyado ha! ha ha ha ha!








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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Michael Jackson Funny Gag Vid

Akalain mo oh si Michael Jackson marunong palang magtagalog??

He he he.awwwwwww!!













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Monday, September 5, 2011

Magpinoy Henyo tayo...

Ewan ko lang kung napanuod na ninyo itong isang part ng joke ni Michael V sa Bubble Gang..kakatuwa talaga to...












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