Pageant Night Question and Answer portion

Pageant Night Miss Universe Beauty Pageant Q & A Portion
The FINALISTS :

Miss America
Miss Spain
Miss Britain
Miss Philippines
Miss Iran
Miss India
Miss Japan

QUESTION : Ms. America, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. AMERICA : Well, I would say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. AMERICA : Because it stands everytime it sees a woman.....

(Applause!.... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Spain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. SPAIN : Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. SPAIN : Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. BRITAIN : Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors and Heroes.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. BRITAIN : Because it cries after every performance and because it is buried alive.

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. IRAN : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves
QUESTION : And why do you say that?
MS. IRAN : Because they always enter through the back door.....

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. INDIA : Well, I can say that a male organ in India is like a labourer.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. INDIA : Because it works day and night....

(Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Japan, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MISS JAPAN: It's like an actor in a stage play....because it bows down after every performance.

(Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ahh...well, opcors, hihihihi...I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis...
QUESTION : Chismis???
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy! Sorry... Its ano, ahh kuwan...it means GOSSIP in our language.
QUESTION : Hmm... Interesting comparison. And why do you say that?
MS.PHILIPPINES : Ayy...Dyahe!!!!Hi hi hi hi hi hi...Kasi....I mean because it passes from mouth to mouth..

(STANDING OVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
.
bastos pero nakakaloka...

Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.

sex joke

Man and wife having sex:

Man: Love, domaing ka naman para ganahan ako…

Wife: hhhooonnneeeeeeyyy, aaaaaahhhh, wala naaa ttaaayoooooooonnggg biiiggaass, aaaaahh! Saka pambayad sa meralco at tubig, ahhhh….

Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.

dalawang pulis

Dalawang gurls nag-aapply 4 work; isang matalino at isang bobo
Matalino: buti ka pa tanggap, ano ba ang ginawa mo?
Bobo: wala, nung nagfill up ako ng form nilagay ko sa sex: “Sige Ba!!”

Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.

Kaibahan ng Girl sa Guy

Pag ang babae ayaw makipagdate,

Ang tawag dun PAKIPOT

Pag ang lalaki ayaw makpagdate,

Ang gawag dun KURIPOT.

ETO PA...

Pag ang babe naglalambing..

MAY KAILANGAN.

Pero ang lalaki kpag naglalambing..

May KASALANAN!

AGREE BA KAYO?

Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.

Battle of the Brainless!

Battle of the Brainless!


Host : Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?

Contestant: Banyo?

Host : Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.

Contestant: Bubong?

Host: Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini.

Contestant : Beerhouse!


Host: What "N" (narra) is the national tree of the Philippines?

Contestant : Niyog?

Host: Mas matigas pa diyan.

Contestant : (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!



Host : Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?

Contestant: Sa back?

Host : O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" (Luneta).

Contestant: Likod?

Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang initials ng modern name
nito(Rizal Park ).

Contestant: Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)





Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag
ikaw
ay nalulunod?

Contestant : Lifebuoy?

Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng ito.

Contestant : Safeguard?

Host :Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.

Contestant : Safe Buoy?

Host: Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.

Contestant : Ah, Mr. Clean!

One more dagdag:

Host: What "K" (kalabaw) is the national animal of the Philippines?

Contestant: Kuto?

Host : Hinde. Clue, it tills the land.

Contestant : Kutong Lupa!




Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na flotation device sa dagat
upang
hindi ka malunod?

Contestant: Sirena?

Host : Hindi! Hindi ito babae.

Contestant : Siyokoy?

Host : Hindi ito lalake.

Contestant : Siyoke?



Host: What "S" (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the Philippines ?

Contestant: Sunflower?

Host : Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.

Contestant: Stork?

Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.

Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak?

Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A".

Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?

Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa! Anong
pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A",
at
kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?

Contestant : Si...Sharon Cuneta!



Host : Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grandmaster (Eugene Torre) of Asia?

Contestant : Carole KING?

Host:Hindi, mas mababa sa king.

Contestant : Al QUINN?

Host: Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.

Contestant: Armida Siguion-REYNA?

Host : Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.

Contestant : BISHOP Bacani?

Host : Mas mababa sa bishop.

Contestant : Johnny MidNIGHT?

Host : Mas mababa sa Knight.

Contestant : Jerry PONS?

Host : Oh, ayan na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng piyesa sa Chess. Yung
kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.

Contestant: Sylvia laTORRE!



Host : Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 Peso bill?
Clue,may
initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)

Contestant: Nora Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".

Contestant : Guy Aunor?

Host: Hindi.Dati siyang Senador.

Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.

Contestant: ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!



Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.

Census joke

Census: Mrs. Ilan ba ang anak nyo??


Mrs: 14 po!!!


Census: ang dami naman.. hindi ba kayo gumagamit ng pills, condom, withdrawal, o rhythm??


Misis: hindi po.. TITI lang talga!!!

Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.

Sulat ng baliw

Patient: Dok, malungkot ako dito sa mental… kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang aking sarili…


Doctor: ano naman ang laman ng sulat mo??


Patient: aba.. ewan!!! Next week ko pa matatanggap eh!!!

Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.

funny text share

kung make -up ang nagpapaganda ng  mukha mo!

Try mong kaining baka gumanda din  ugali mo!

Wapak!

Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.

Isang Libo at ang sexy

A nerd ask his hot and sexy classmate to have sex with him..

Nerd: Sex tayo! Babayaran kita 1000 pesos, bibilisan ko, tatapon ko yung 1000 sa sahig. Tuwad ka habang pinupulot mo, pagtayo mo tapos na ako i-sex ka.

Sexy: Tawagan ko muna BF ko kung payag siya.

Tinawagan na..

BF: Sige payag ako. Bilisan mo lang pagtuwad para  walang mangyari.

After 10 minutes.. BF calls..

BF: Nakuha mo na pera?

Sexy: Aahhhh.. hindi pa eh..ah! ah ah ah ah ah!

BF: Eh bakit?

Sexy: Tig pipiso eh...

he he he....

Akala nyo maiisahan niyo ang mga nerd ha! haha..

Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.

Kung ililipat lahat ng cute  sa ibang planeta..

isa lang ang masasabi ko....





MAMIMISS KO TALAGA ANG EARTH PROMISE!!

Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.

Pride joke

Ang underwear at pride pareho lang...


Pag di mo binaba...


WALANG MANGYAYARI!!!

TAMA?!!

Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.

Ang posporo

Pedro: Tol, pakiabot nga yung posporo
Juan: Bobo ka talaga! aanhin mo pa ang pospora may kalan naman..

Pedro: Maka bobo to wagas..... sige iabot mo yung kalan at ipang titinga kong hinayupak ka!!

Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.

Pick up lines: Teacher and student

Student: Ma'am Vagina ka ba?
Teacher: (galit) Bakit?!
Student: Ang sarap mo kasi pasukan eh!
Teacher: (napangiti) Eh ikaw sperm cells ka ba?
Student : Bakit naman po?
Teacher: Ang sarap mo kasing palabasin eh!
Labas kang bastos ka!!

ha haa h.. yan kasi akala masyadong feeling..

Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page!

KNP Funny Video Collection: Malaysian Michael Jackson...watch and cry

Malaysian Idol's Michael Jackson. I have a great laugh when I watched this clip so I decided to keep it as a collection for Kulitan Ng Pinoy funny video collection.



Malaysian Billie Jeans Misheard Lyrics

She was more like a beaty queen and move machine
I shaved yo momma what tu yoo mean?
I am the oaoaoane!
Who will dance on the floor in the round
She say I am the wand
Who will dance on the floor
In the round
She told my hair-name was Billie Jean
And Squashed Machines
They never had an icecream
Wee in the one
Peeple always tole me
Be careful over you!
What? Tall man break young girls' arm?

And an ottter also told me
The be careful over you
Becomes the Drew
The Village inn
its not my loove!
She just a girl
Hulks hands!
Hire the one
But the pig is be not my son
Cheezeain higher than one!
but the kids is be not my son
The Billie Jean
Is not my lamb
The Billlie Jean
Is not my lammmmb
The Billie Jean
Is not my laaeaarrrmmmmmb
The Billie Jean
Is not my leeeeeearrrrrrrrmmmmmmggghbb
Yo, babes, thank-you!

Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.

Jollibee joke

SA JOLLIBEE:

CREW: ANU PO ORDER NYO?
CUSTOMER 1: 1 LARGE BURGE AND 1 LARGE COKE
CREW: DITO NYO PO KAKAININ?
CUSTOMER 1: PWEDE DUN NALANG SA TABLE? NAKAKAHIYA NAMAN DITO MAY MGA NAKAPILA EH.

Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.

Close Up commercial joke

Close Up commercial joke Boy: Im MarK .. Your? GirL: Im Ga .. (natangay ng marameng tao si gurL) Si Boy nagpanggap na sya ung Star na kakanta sa concert ... then .. Boy: I meT the MosT incredibLe GIrL Ga .. Dis is for U Inch by inch were moving cLoser ... Dumating si gurl G: By The way Im Ga .. GARDO !!! bwahahaha Kuha mo?!!!! Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.

Urine Test

Anak: Tay, urine test ko daw po bukas, sabi ng teacher ko.

Tatay: O, anong problema?

Anak: Anong gagawin ko?

Tatay: Bobo ka?! Ed di magreview ka TANGA!

Share your text jokes to us at 09079381522 Not a filipino and can't relate? Please use the google translator on the upper right side of this page.